Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

A man of business may talk of philosophy a man who has none may practise it.

Nothing is so dangerous as that of violence employed by well-meaning people for beneficial objects.

"Abroad," that large home of ruined reputations.

I wouldn't want to disappoint my fans by doing anything exciting. You've got to stay true to your roots.

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder" lover you should have come over-

Being unconscious is the ultimate disability.

Wisdom and compassion should become the dominating influences that guide our thoughts , our words, and our actions.

We're just fragile machines programmed with a false sense of our own importance. And every now and then the universe sends a reminder that we don't really matter to it.

The main difference for the history of the world if I had been shot rather than Kennedy is that Onassis probably wouldn't have married Mrs Khrushchev.

A tongue prone to slander is the proof of a depraved mind.