Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, Why limit yourselves?

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Not everyone who died had left a "memory" and not everyone who had left a memory had left a "blessed" one. Therefore, not all have died should be tagged "...of a blessed memory

When the spirit shines, even foggy skies make pleasant light.

Its likely that a general pattern of behavior among threatened human societies is to become more blindered, rather than more focused on the crisis, as they fall.

Humor is one of the most serious tools we have for dealing with impossible situations.

The brave man seeks not popular applause, Nor, overpower'd with arms, deserts his cause; Unsham'd, though foil'd, he does the best he can, Force is of brutes, but honor is of man.

You tell everyone or anyone that has ever doubted, thought they didn't measure up or wanted to quit - look up get up and don't ever give up.

We live in a world that needs entertainment. And that entertainment has to be provided by men who sweat and bleed.

Chide a friend in private and praise him in public.

You don't know what mental telepathy exists from the human to the animal.

Acquaintance; companion; One dear brilliant woman; The best-endowed, the elect, All by their youth undone, All, all, by that inhuman Bitter glory wrecked.