Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

In his autobiography Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhytmic farting.

If you see the magic in a fairy tale, you can face the future.

I think I will be the most dressed [contestant and have] the most modest outfits for sure because that's who I am.

Does truth prevail more if we are not on speaking terms with those whose view of truth differs from ours?

Life is hard and it gets worse and worse and worse.

My priorities are my family and my job. I have little time for much else.

Back then though, you had a few months of training, and then you were just thrown into it.

If a spiritual being is naive to the lower aspects of the world, they usually are killed or die young. Did Jesus really know which of the twelve would betray him? I doubt it.

Despite the deep reforms we are making, traders and speculators have forced interest rates on Greek bonds to record highs.

We dare not trust our wit for making our house pleasant to our friend, so we buy ice cream.