Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

It is in doing that we could learn more about our strengths and weaknesses, and then be presented with the opportunities to work our way up from there.

Ithink that theworld should be full of cats and full of rain, that's all, justcats andrain, rain and cats, very nice, goodnight.

There is no known device for artistic contraception.

Age is an accumulation of life and loss. Adulthood is a series of lines crossed.

Being without work [in the United States] is still far better for most people than being employed in Central America.

I should have liked to come across a large community of pines, which had never been invaded by the lumbering army.

Most of my conscious efforts have ended in embarrassing failure.

Aside from rabid Islamists, no one who wishes to be taken seriously can publicly say anything bad about the old Jews of Europe without sounding like reactionary troglodytes.

Let no one presume to give the feelings of a young woman on receiving the assurance of that affection of which she has scarcely allowed herself to entertain a hope.

Its always fantastic to be on the podium, and, of course, the top step is always our target.