Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

No living thing is ugly in this world. Even a tarantula considers itself beautiful

The more you love, the more you awaken the divinity within.

Where else but the NBA could people like Bill Russell, Spencer Haywood, Ricky Barry, Dennis Rodman, and Allen Iverson come in and be allowed to be who they are?

We must stop setting our sights by the light of each passing ship; instead we must set our course by the stars.

Christian growth is forgetting about yourself.

You're bound to get idears if you go thinkin' about stuff

There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree.

I never made "feminist art," and if I did it was not deliberate.

Penises are literally all around me all the time, and have a lot of influence on the world, on my world.

Obama is a statist. He's an authoritarian. He doesn't want to govern; he wants to rule.