Ban poetry. And make sure that anyone caught reading it is expelled from school. Then it will acquire the glamour.

Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right.

Snooker is just chess with balls.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB

A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?

Reading is all about losing and finding yourself.

When everyone believes they are the life coaches, who are the players?

True humility is being able to accept criticisms as graciously as we accept compliments.

Sacrifice is the very essence of religion; ... Without sacrifice there is no true worship of God.

A man who has schemed for some time can no longer do without it; all other ways of living are to him dull and insipid.

There are times when I feel uninspired and I don't want to compose. I call these my 'bewitched' periods. I have to be touched with a magic wand.

It's so easy to think that your strengths don't matter.

My friends are gone and my hair is grey. I ache in places I used to play. And I’m crazy for love but I’m not coming on. I’m just paying my rent every day in the tower of song.