Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

Klar sieht, wer von ferne sieht, nebelhaft, wer Anteil nimmt.

From time to time I show up in myself just long enough for people to know they are not in the room alone.

When the soul communes with itself the lip is silent.

It isn’t a matter of getting the body you want, it’s a matter of doing the most you can with the body you have.

Your joy can fill you only as deeply as your sorrow has carved you.

That sense of family. And the way that we all interact and collaborate together. It's really gonna be something I'm gonna miss.

I was always really strict on myself about doing everything possible to prepare for competition.

I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all.

My creativity comes from an unhoned place, if 'unhoned' is a word.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. As a result, a genius is often a talented person who has simply done all of his homework.