Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Stories were heirlooms in these parts.

Life is your own movie. Not Gods.

Behind Calvary's cross is the throne of heaven.

I've always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can think negative.

My dad and mom were, they would take what were popular hits, and lip-sync to them with puppets and do a ridiculous story.

Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private.

I think that is a very important component, to have passion, to have a dream, to have a purpose in life.

God ceases to be God only for those who can admit the possibility of His non-existence, and that conception is in itself the most severe punishment they can suffer.

Sometimes it's a short step from banning to burning.

I don't use the term "black" very often. I use the term African-American more than I use "black".