Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Live free or die.

Grace is goodness.

The girl was eighty percent kitten and twenty percent lioness, and he considered it his mission to make her roar.

It is not with architecture that one can disseminate any political ideology.

For me, I try and be authentic in my choices and follow my instincts, and I think it's a valuable message for women in today's society to learn to love yourself.

I want to be Lon Chaney. I want to be Karloff. I want to help people escape the mundane world. I want to make their skins crawl. And I want them to love it every bit as much as I do.

The future does not belong to men.

Morality, after all, has nothing to do with selflessness. On the contrary, self-interest is precisely the basis of the categorical imperative.

We do not prescribe any prayer; we welcome all prayer.

Garlick maketh a man wynke, drynke, and stynke.