Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

That's the thing. You come back and you expect everyone to be just the way they were when you left. But it's not that easy, okay? You can't just force us all to be how you liked us.

Pain changes us. Mine made me want to be perfect, so that no one would ever want to leave me again.

The best creates, the rest follows

As a society, let's all strive to make "old fashioned" the "new fashion". Husbands make it clear to your wives that you are on a mission to become her knight in shining armor.

With a dog, people are not disciplined. They think that by spoiling a dog the dog is going to love them more. But the dog misbehaves more because they give affection at the wrong time.

A writer must be hard to live with: when not working he is miserable, and when he is working he is obsessed.

Keep it simple, keep it sexy, keep it sad.

I feel like I'm on cloud nine right now.

People don't want to hear the truth, they never do. They wanna live in some kind of fantasy. And then when they get caught up in it, they start being in denial because they don't want to be wrong.

The problem with a lot of movies when it comes to race is that they want to be moral, and they want to make the audience feel good about something that a lot of people don't feel good about.