Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

If we don’t change direction soon, we’ll end up where we’re going.

I don't think I'll ever grow old and say, "What was I thinking eating all those fruits and vegetables?

There's writing power in one word sentences and one sentence paragraphs. Wise authors use them. -Judith Briles

Until we learn to honor and respect what other people believe, I think we are doomed.

A culture without property, or in which creators can't get paid, is anarchy, not freedom.

No, I always wanted to be an actress.

I guess I really haven't thought much about winning an Oscar, but if I had the opportunity, I'm sure I would like it.

Time is the coin of your life. You spend it. Do not allow others to spend it for you.

I am always late because people stop me for autographs and say hi.

I was a book-y child. I was much more book-y than dark.