Basically, the world is a giant shithole. But some of us are capable of imagining something better.

I got lost in him, and it was the kind of lost that's exactly like being found.

No one's family is normal. Normalcy is a lie invented by advertising agencies to make the rest of us feel inferior.

Sometimes people say that kids with autism aren't capable of love. That's ridiculous. My son loves deeply. He's just doesn't communicate well.

Every guy seems nice until he’s not.

But I know how this romantic stuff works: one girl's perfect guy is another girl's reject. And right now I'm glad of it.

..."And then we played Ping-Pong—” “Not pool? I always assumed he was a billiards man—I mean, it’s so handy the way he keeps a stick up his—

Value people because of who they were deep down, not because of their names or their parents’ clout.

I was isolated but not ostracized, ignored but not abused.

Juliana's a year older than me, but she sometimes seems younger - mostly because she's the opposite of cynical and I'm the opposite of the opposite of cynical.

He can’t ground her if he’s already killed her,” I pointed out when Juliana quoted this to me. “Well, he can, but it wouldn’t have the same impact.

Women are better than men in handling their emotions, that is why every happy girl is not happy.

When you live as a fountain of abundant love, instead of an empty well waiting to be filled by a lover, you will attract your SoulMate.

The golf swing is among the most stressful and unnatural acts in sports, short of cheering for the Yankees.

Whenever I do a performance I always hope it is the best day of my life. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't.

My right to be me is tied with a thousand threads to your right to be you.

The New Englanders, by their canting, whining and insinuating tricks, have persuaded the rest of the colonies that the government is going to make absolute slaves of them.

Those are the movies that we [with Evan Goldberg] always wanted to make. Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, the kind of movies where violence and comedy and characters kind of work together really well.

I’ve met a few fans from across the world who’ve had my name tattooed on them.

Like ships that have gone down at sea, when heaven was all tranquillity.

It may be that ... when the advance of destructive weapons enables everyone to kill everybody else nobody will want to kill anyone at all. [Referring to the hydrogen bomb.]