Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Anyone who says he knows God's intention is showing a lot of very human ego.

It takes a year, nephew... a full turn of the calendar, to get over losing someone.

Conformity is a cage that confines our ability to think. It is a cage that hinders growth and deters individualism

The great can protect themselves, but the poor and humble require the arm and shield of the law.

Success is a pile of failure that you are standing on.

The Lincoln Memorial is related to the toga and the civilization that wore it.

I never really was much of a practical jokester or anything.

I am determined that my children should have no financial security. It ruins people not having to earn money.

One critic wrote . . . that my poems sounded as though they had been translated from the Hungarian. I don't know why, but somehow that made me feel quite lighthearted.

Winter = baking season. It's on.