Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.

If we can teach children to think beyond the five senses, we can raise a generation of leaders that will be able to sustain the future.

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

I have a theory about Ireland, being at the edge of Europe. For 1,000 years, people didnt know what was beyond. But we thought about it - a lot. And that beyond became internalized in our psyche.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

To fully absorb the lessons of the Internet, urge the Internet-centrists, we need to reshape our political and social institutions in its image.

The tea party venerates the Constitution while despising the political system it has produced.

Cultivate the technique of seeing all problems as opportunities. Opportunities to...be, and decide, Who You Really Are.

I am the slave of those who hunger and thirst after me and treat everything else as unimportant.