Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Our differences will also show up from time to time, underscoring the uniqueness of our personal endowments, the variety of our experiences, and the creativity of our sovereign God.

Irony is easier than hopeless silence but braver than flight.

If I die tomorrow, you aren't allowed to say my life was cut short at age 25. I did more in those years than most people will ever do.

Resist this war on God, freedom of religion and freedom of speech.

I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.

I think most important, you need to have the compassion and caring for helping to protect vulnerable people.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

In fact, I had the idea because of Peter Falk. I saw my dad watching a Peter Falk movie and something clicked in my head. I gotta go make a movie for Peter Falk and me

There is no foreign land; it is the traveller only that is foreign.

He was like a second father to me (of George Halas)