Because I was surrounded by so much negativity at some point that it took me going back and doing stand-up to realize, you know, people really like me.

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone... you answer it.

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

What did the 5 fingers say to the face. S L A P!

I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.

You know, be able to do something great in your life, you're gonna have to realize your failures. You're gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

Cause my life is dope, and I do dope sh*t

I support anyone's right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.

Who's got the last laugh now?If you will pardon the expression.

Every creative act, however small, enriches our species and the world around us. To find and nurture talent, is to be truly wealthy.

May the Lord grant you grace to endure the times.

It is the classic fallacy of our time that a moron run through a university and decorated with a Ph.D. will thereby cease to be a moron.

"How could you think of such awful things?" liberal critics always ask. "How else could I possibly amuse myself?" I always wonder.

The habit of ignoring Nature is deeply implanted in our times. This attitude reminds me of people who never look you in the eye; I find them disturbing and always have to look away.

We are also looking to Canada as we continue to integrate the North American energy market.

People who know the state of emptiness will always be able to dissolve their problems by constancy.

I always expect unexpected challenges.

Killing Hope: U.S. Military and CIA Interventions Since World War II