Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

If a man WANTS to be with you, he will make his actions clear. There won’t be any questions, murkiness, cloudiness, or fear.

What has been forgotten.... is never something purely individual.

Mortals cannot perceive me with the physical eye whilst in my pure form unless it is of my choosing, for it would result in fatality, which begs the question of why you are an exception.

I wonder if anyone gets through childhood without being broken. I certainly did not.

Understanding proximate cause is also like understanding your mother: It can take years and then, just when you think you have her figured out, she surprises you.

Absent in body, but present in spirit.

This is the Republican Party who has run against Russia for 80 years and you know, (Trump) hasn't mentioned (Putin) except in a positive way.

Physics can be difficult sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean always. And by Physics, I mean everything.

I wish that I could marshall all the young to an appreciation of the fact that you have an earnest work in life and your amusements and recreations are only to help you along in that work.

New Jack City' and 'Boyz 'N the Hood' are realities, but movies like 'Strictly Business' are realities, too.