Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

The nice thing is that, at least in Los Angeles, I'm known as a character actor and I do auditions for other things besides just cartoon shows.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

There is no strong beer, just weak men

The poet is the sayer, the namer, and represents beauty.

It's better to die chasing a dream never caught than to die never having chased the dream.

Preparation to success is hard work of daily practice with improvement.

Good and evil have nothing to do with gods. It has to do with us.

It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen.

Creative writing and shooting are muscles that atrophy. But when you work them, you become a self-generator who can branch out.

Write your Sad times in Sand, Write your Good times in Stone.

Writing a book is such a full-time job. If you're away for a few days, you have to start again.

They that Marry for Money cannot have the true Satisfaction of Marriage; the requisite Means being wanting.