Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Do unto others, then run

Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

It's the fricking reality that destroys plans.

Understanding the simple fact that morality differs around the world, and even within societies, is the first step toward understanding your righteous mind.

We can trust the Savior even when we can't trust ourselves.

Before you can win, you must begin.

Man is man, and master of his fate.

I'm a dude, obviously, and when I'm not in a relationship, I don't do laundry until I want to. But if I live with a girl, you have to do it when she wants to or when we want to, which sucks.

There were periods during my childhood when I stammered so badly I couldn't talk at all.

I find it most intriguing to contemplate the fact that while men are considering what place to give Jesus Christ in history, He has already decided what place to give them in eternity.

To the free man, the country is the collection of individuals who compose it, not something over and above them.

Sometimes love needs a rest from caring, and so bears for an intolerable few hours the guilt of not caring.