Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

Gradually, we have become each other's weather.

Hypochondriacs who have a fanciful anxiety about their health will never be well regardless of their physical condition.

The wonder of life shouldn't be squandered on insignificant or unbeneficial experiences.

It may be the first in what I trust will be a rapidly growing and influential genre--the novel designed on purpose to be excludedfrom the Booker short-list.

I have stories that I'd like to maybe one day consider directing, but you need a lot of time to write and put it together.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

Chins are exclusively a human feature, not to be found among the beasts. Ithey had chins, most animals would look like each other.

Hatori: "You won't get very far if you try to threaten me in THAT outfit." Yuki: "Thank you. So much.

We do not have a debt crisis right now, but we see it coming. We know it's irrefutably happening. And the point we're trying to make with our budget is let's get ahead of this problem.

Commerce diminishes the spirit, both of patriotism and military defence.