Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

Deliver me from my disciples!

For often, when one is asleep, there is something in consciousness which declares that what then presents itself is but a dream.

I'm wonderfully self-lacerating, probably to my character's detriment. I'm terribly open to critique.

I therefore take the liberty of proposing for this hypothetical new atom, which is not light but plays an essential part in every process of radiation, the name photon.

How do you tell an adult that maybe everything wrong in the world stems from the fact that she's stopped believing the impossible can happen?

People need encouragement to take action.

Writing is a solitary occupation, and we like it that way.

All theory is against free will; all experience is for it.

Fashion is fun, ridiculously fun. But it's base and it's wrong. You're not doing anything good for the world. You're just saying, 'Buy it, buy it, buy it.