Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Believe me. Everything is meant.

The shadows of the room pool in the lines of our faces, draining our eyes of hue. "There's nothing left worth saying.

I appreciate humor so much, but I'm actually not a funny girl.

I grew up on a lot of early Beatles, DC5, Cream, Clapton, Page, Beck and Hendrix.

For what's the point of breeding children, if each generation does not improve on what went before.

It is a trick among the dishonest to offer sacrifices that are not needed, or not possible, to avoid making those that are required.

We all want to be the sexy girl.

Neurotics always feel as though they were going way up or way down, which is odd in people going sideways.

Dear little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘you tell me of marvelous things, but more marvelous than anything is the suffering of men and of women. There is no Mystery so great as Misery.

From his brimstone bed, at break of day, A-walking the Devil is gone, To look at his little snug farm of the World, And see how his stock went on.