Behold!" Percy shouted. "The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!

Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies

We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.

Mussolini?” Leo frowned. “Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?

Percy looked at his friends. “I’m getting tired of this guy’s shirt.

Percy is the most powerful demigod I've ever met. No offense to you guys but it's true.

Sometimes wisdom came from strange places, even from giant teenaged goldfish.

Scrawny? Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot.

Forget the chicken-nugget smoke screen. Percy wanted Leo to invent an anti-dream hat.

Otis barreled towards them empty-handed, before apparently realizing that a) he was empty-handed and b) charging towards a large body of water to fight a son of Poseidon was maybe not a good idea.

Fighting giants was one thing. Bacchus making into a game was something else.

Desire is when you do what you want, will is when you can do what you do not want.

Be known for pleasing others, especially if you govern them. Ruling other has one advantage: you can do more good than anyone else.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

One change of attitude would change everything. If everyone realized that it could be a beautiful world and said, 'let's not do these things anymore - let's have fun.'

Knowledge-full, unfettered knowledge of its own heritage, of freedom's enemies, of the whole world of men and ideas-this knowledge is a free people's surest strength.

Yes, this is life; and everywhere we meet, Not victor crowns, but wailings of defeat.

You will become tired, Siddhartha." "I will become tired." "You will fall asleep, Siddhartha." "I will not fall asleep." "You will die, Siddhartha." "I will die.

I think men look best when they're dressed in something that makes them feel comfortable.

The child who ran weeping to you with a cut finger is now brought home, smiling gamely, with a broken collarbone and incredible contusions- 'it wasn't Jezebels fault, Dad.'

Love by its presence, like God by His, makes everything not necessarily clear or right or even good, but acceptable. Whereas in its absence, as in His, there is no hope.