Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

Don't respond when the mind snaps its fingers.

The more difficult a problem becomes, the more interesting it is.

There's a big song at the beginning [of Sausage Party], and that was really fun to do. It felt like we were living out a dream of being the South Park guys for a minute.

I think we've got outstanding teaching in Michigan classrooms.

Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.

When looking back, usually I'm more sorry for the things I didn't do than for the things I shouldn't have done.

I say the sentences again and again in my head until they sound right.

Change is not always growth, but growth is often rooted in change. Drizzt Do'Urden

Mutation is random; natural selection is the very opposite of random.

My hope is that every country in Latin America will make a significant commitment to supporting early childhood development programs.