Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

There's a vast space between being simply human to being truly humane.

We don’t have to like each other. We just need to respect each other.

It is not power that corrupts but fear. The fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.

It takes some courage to write fiction about politically controversial topics. The dread is you'll be labeled a political writer.

It is sure the hardest science to forget!

I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.

I've been sort of traveling around the country for ten years talking about independent features.

Tall men come down to my height when I hit 'em in the body.

I probably have some sort of chocolate five times a week. There's definitely a change it does to the chemistry of the body. It's my favorite feeling. I live for it.

Thank God for my hobgoblin, small-minded consistency.