Being bipolar and an addict and an alcoholic I have to keep myself very busy. I don't sleep. I am lucky if I get three hours of sleep a night, and so I get up, and my head is full of slamming doors.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.

If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

Sorry doesn’t make anything better. It’s just a word to fill the space of a loss of words.

The Semantic Web is not a separate Web but an extension of the current one, in which information is given well-defined meaning, better enabling computers and people to work in cooperation.

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

A lover may be a shadowy creature, but husbands are made of flesh and blood

The outside world doesn't have a lot to offer. You have to make your own heaven in your own home.

I can think of a lot better things to do with my hands than to cut them up on the rim of a drum.

It's a wonderful thing when your trainer is actually the person you're playing.

It takes many years to become proficient in energy conservation. But it is something that happens. You get continually stronger. You see your attention field is far different than it ever was before.

The well-known old remark of Cato, who used to wonder how two soothsayers could look one another in the face without laughing.

Sometimes there's no warning. Nothing at all.