Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

Taking personal responsibility is the major difference between the best and the rest.

What can you conceive more silly and extravagant than to suppose a man racking his brains and studying night and day how to fly?

I am immortal till my work is accomplished

God's revelation is in the gospel not only reveals who He is, but it also reveals who we are.

The measure of your enlightenment is the degree to which you are comfortable with paradox, contradiction, and ambiguity.

Expect the worst, and you won't be disappointed.

Do one thing everyday that scares you... Taking risks takes practice.

We are free, but no to be evil

Biology makes us Mothers & Fathers, whats in the heart makes us Mom's and Dad's

Your child’s future was the first to go with budget cuts.