Benadryl - the seven-dollar babysitter.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Visualize yourself at your best. Be determined to earn the proud badge of excellence. By working hard and practicing, one day you will earn its golden title.

When the economy of a country is based fundamentally on the principles of truth and honesty, that nation experiences economic stability.

Am not great, but being the story of every whisper is just the greatest.

Sometimes all it takes to change your life is to change your routine.

Some politician some years ago said that bad officials are elected by good voters who do not vote.

Think what stupid things the people must have done with their money who say they're 'happier without'.

In quixotically trying to conquer death doctors all too frequently do no good for their patients' ease but at the same time they do harm instead by prolonging and even magnifying patients' dis-ease.

Japanese is a baby talk - very, very hard to read, very, very, easy to talk. ... A very faint kind of language.

But just think what a dull world it would be if everyone was sensible,' pleaded Anne.

Haters can keep on hating.