Between trying to impeach Bill Clinton, Florida 2000, and the recall in California, I'm beginning to think that Republicans will do anything to win an election-except get the most votes.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

He read vividly.

Life is beautiful for those who can see the beauty in the midst of the ugliness.

An earthquake is such fun when it is over.

Sleep is the best cure for waking troubles.

In the kingdom of consumption the citizen is king. A democratic monarchy: equality before consumption, fraternity in consumption, and freedom through consumption.

You've got to have fun on the court. If you ain't having fun, then basketball ain't fun.

If [Vladimir] Putin likes Donald Trump, guess what, folks, that's called an asset, not a liability.

Families and businesses are tightening their belts to make ends meet - and Washington should too.

...Delay, says Dr. Manner, is a luxury which people with right-now cancers cannot afford.

You see, every day, that the people who are seemingly so confident and seemingly so in love with themselves are the ones who are the most insecure and hurting the most inside.