Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

I'm alone, inside the world of the story. My favorite feeling in the world.

I have never allowed a gentleman to dictate to me, or to interfere with anything I do.

The resurrection of Christ changed the midnight of bereavement into a sunrise of reunion

I don't care if you fall off your broom as long as you catch the Snitch first.

The woods decay, the woods decay and fall.

You can’t repeat the past.” “Can’t repeat the past?” he cried incredulously. “Why of course you can!

It's absolutely fine to think of new ways of doing things, and I'm not just asking for the traditional reporter to look into our living rooms night after night.

You can build radiant health, success and happiness by the thoughts you think in the hidden studio of your mind.

Are you trying to give me a hint that I should drop it? I can lose the accent; I just have to really focus on what I'm saying. And I have to talk slowly.

When I first started all this, it was mostly music fans that came along, Stones fans. But now, I'm being taken seriously. I've got highfalutin art collectors and everything!