Bill Maher can be pretty good, except when he gets "important." Maher's all over the place politically.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

But still he remembered wondering, at the age of ten, is it better to be safe or to be free?

Practice honest self-reflection to learn and better who you are

Look innocent. Have hope.” “Okay.” “And remember…” “What?” “Even O.J. Simpson was acquitted.

Who am I? I'm a man, an American, a father, a teacher, but most of all, I am a person who knows how the arts can change lives, because they transformed mine. I was a dancer.

I envy no man's nightingale or spring; Nor let them punish me with loss of rhyme, Who plainly say, My God, My King.

Sometimes,” Sam says, “I can’t tell when you’re lying.” “I never lie,” I lie.

Listen to your own voice, your own soul. Too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves.

I think it's naïve to think white people aren't singing along directly!

[Too many musicians are] too involved with doing and not listening.

I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world.