Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Theres nothing to fear but fears themselves, such as monsters, rejection, food poisoning, redundancy, monsters, and oxford commas.

A well-composed book is a magic carpet on which we are wafted to a world that we cannot enter in any other way.

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived.

There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason — and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place.

This is the purpose of theology. By it my life becomes clearer and more conscious.

I go to ballet five days a week. I would love to go to a fashion show one day, because I never have.

What I'm really interested in is freedom.

You must not mistake lip-service and noise for bravery and service.

It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

The recommended daily allowances are based on arbitrary, unscientific, and tainted standards.