Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

It was my duty as a mother to invade your privacy and search your room. I'm just glad you weren't hiding an illegal drug.

Baby, if you let me take you out of here, I’ll give the word pleasure a whole new meaning." - Drew Evans

God help him if any of them ever came true. Why, he'd be a two-headed, three-toed, monkey-nosed, blind son of a cesspit-licking lackey is she had her way.

All my life I have had a choice of hate and love. I chose love and I am here

I dont see much difference between it and the other films though I can see on a rational and intelligent level there is a big difference.

Empires do not suffer emptiness of purpose at the time of their creation. It is when they have become established that aims are lost and replaced by vague ritual.

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

A cannon fires only once but words detonate across centuries

Grace keeps us from worrying because worry deals with the past, while grace deals with the present and future.

I stand there, feeling broken and small, thousands of eyes trained on me.