Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I'm a very outdoorsy guy.

If the stones that we walked on could talk, they would surely tell our story." - Magnetic Reverie

When we dream, there are no facts. Just imagination!

You were right. I can't be trusted around people." "What does that make me? A stuffed potato?

Haruhi: This is a sibling squabble, not a fight to the death! You're both wrong, and acting like idiots only proves it!

In every age there has been a stream of popular opinion that has carried all before it, and given a family character, as it were, to the century.

I felt like it was a great secret when I found out that I could be in my 30s.

Strange—we are always inhabiting more than one realm of existence—but they all fit in if the art is right.

And I knew, nothing I could say or do Could come close to thankin' you for your love And I could try for the rest of my life But that wouldn't be half enough

I do not approve the maxim which desires a man to know a little of everything. Superficial knowledge, knowledge without principles, is almost always useless and sometimes harmful knowledge.

I think all artists need to try to improve, or their work gets stale.