Blessed with the Beta Male imagination, he spent much of his life squinting into the future so he might spot ways in which the world was conspiring to kill him...

Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

Mr. Asher, you can resist who you are for only so long. Finally, you just decide to go with fate.

So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast."This is death toast sweety.

But Charlie could imagine, because he was a Beta Male, and imagination was his curse....

Failure is so much more interesting.

Speaking of hope, did you see that shot Alec got off with his bow? That's my boyfriend.

Decision-making power, whether it's on foreign affairs or domestic affairs, is concentrated in the White House in a reasonably small circle.

Genius is knowing to stay silent as others demonstrate their ignorance.

Over the years, Ive worked with just about everybody.

We cannot fulfill that purpose [environmentalism] if we are heaping contempt on God's creation.

Ive always enjoyed seeing how things are made.

I want to give moral relativism the good spanking it deserves.

To work for delight and authentic festivity is barely distinguishable from preparing for a general insurrection

It's starting to feel good, although I don't like feeling too good - that's not where my comedy comes from.