Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I am who I am', said God to Moses regarding His name, because none was worth to be compared to His godhead.

Win or lose, I'll feel good about myself. That's what is important.

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.

I think almost every political leader is always told that the next speech they make is the most crucial one.

What's worse ...? The devil you don't know ... or the devil you do?

I do not pretend to write much of a letter. You know under what circumstances I am writing.

I wish the children could be taught early on that our thinking creates our experience.

...discussing cultural relativism with cultural relativists is like playing tennis with some guy who says, "Your ace is just a social construct.

Christian morality, laws rooted in the secular humanist belief that all consensual sexual acts are morally equal. That belief is anti-biblical and amoral; to codify it into law is to codify a lie.

I think of myself as a complete mystery. To myself.