Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

There is the pain that made me cry, and then there is the strength that made me stop crying.So I am glad the pain camebecause without it I would not have discovered my strength.

Symphony of the airmy ear can hearmy only companiona rocking chairsilence is masterwishing you were here.

Going after what I believe in.

What differentiated us was our perception of our mutual reality, which made no difference.

I don't even know what words to use to talk about the music industry anymore. But the business has changed a lot - the methods of releasing music.

The art of love is to embrace the world and that which lies beyond it.

My father was totally Irish, and so I went to Ireland once. I found it to be very much like New York, for it was a beautiful country, and both the women and men were good-looking.

Philosophy has a fine saying for everything.-For Death it has an entire set.

[Domestic violence is] a carefully laid physical, financial and psychological trap.

Europeans know the importance of the Resistance; it has been the shining example of the modern conscience.