Boredom is not black licorice, Snicket," she said. "There's no reason to share it with me.

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.

They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.

The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.

Accidents happen all the time.

Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.

Since the same human mire remains beneath, does not all civilisation reduce itself to the superiority of smelling nice and living well?

We have to recognise that the validation of identity comes through relationships we have and what we produce.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

I have long been in favor of states and cities within states making up their own minds whether or not they want to permit fracking. I have been supportive of that.

I've had my ups and downs. My fair share of bumpy roads and heavy winds. That's what made me what I am today.

Progress occurs one apology at a time.

I've always loved animation and animated films.

My first ball I ever got from a big-league player I actually got to purchase in Dodger Stadium in a silent auction, was Reggie Jackson.

Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete: damns have had their day.

I no longer count as one of my merits that I always tell the truth as much as possible; it has become my metier.