Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

The insights we receive when going silent, it's our gift to ourselves. Returning and living them, sharing them, that is our gift to the world.

I swear to Vishnu, if this doesn’t work, I’m going to stab you in the throat with a Pipette.

The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

Wise men say only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you.

If we were sensible we would seek death - the same blissful blank which we enjoyed before we existed.

Even after killing ninety nine tigers the Maharaja should beware of the hundredth.

There are some people who are very powerful who I will never name, because I want to be able to work in this town.

Look inside my soul and you can find gold and maybe get rich. Look inside of your soul and you can find out it never exists.

The first socialists were the intellectuals; they, and not the masses, are the backbone of Socialism.

Every parent wants to see their kids excel.