Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Honest criticism and sensible appreciation are directed not upon the poet but upon the poetry.

Circumstances will change and things will be fine, just hold on a little more

You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it's just teeth.

I think my influence on Donald Trump is way, way lower than what mainstream media has said.

Only speak words that make souls stronger.

Compromise today is too often applauded simply for itself. The cost of compromise to principles and real lives doesn't seem to matter.

I was use to wearing things that accentuated and flattered my bust and waist (just shakin' what my mama gave me) and definitely not my thighs.

A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be, A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

Paradigm shifts aren't always obvious when you're in the middle of one. Danny Kennedy makes a compelling case for why solar power is the crucial energy technology of the 21st century.

On the 28th the ship's company received two months pay in advance, and on the following morning we worked out to St. Helen's, where we were obliged to anchor.