Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Life is a dancing dream.

It takes persistent practice to be skilful in the act.

Never let the principle of what you believe in become more important than the person.

I am the queen of mediocre, the king of nothingness

An expansive life, one not constrained by four walls, requires as well an expansive pocket.

Justice is getting what you deserve. Mercy is not getting what you deserve. And grace is getting what you absolutely don't deserve. ...... benign good will. unprovoked compassion. the unearnable gift

Well, sometimes when you say you want to be like everybody else, you're really saying that you're not.

When you make a movie, it's up to so many things and so many people.

Film is endlessly just beyond your reach. I think that's what I love so much about it.

Generosity is a function of the heart, not the wallet.