Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water!

I am interested in reconstructing symbols. It's about connecting with an older knowledge and trying to discover continuities in why we search for heaven.

The Cardinal ... It was as if a pulsing heart of flame passed by when he came winging through the orchard.

People are doing what they can these days and looking for creative ways to sell music.

May you always work like you don't need the money; May you always love like you've never been hurt; and May you always dance like there's nobody watching.

One of the greatest misconceptions about Theodore Roosevelt - in his time and ours - is that he was impetuous.

Don’t answer to sick, or broke, or worn out any longer.

Always do good to others. Be selfless. Mentally remove everything and be free. This is divine life. This is the direct way to Moksha or salvation.

I don't believe in God for the same reason that most people don't believe in Apollo or Zeus. ... God is just human beings' way of personifying an otherwise completely natural universe.

I am one of you and being one of you is being and knowing what I am and know. Yet I am the necessary Angel of earth, since, in my sight, you see the earth again.