But I also know in standup, there's nowhere to hide. You get on stage and you deliver, or you are eviscerated and you are thrown into a pile of bodies at the bottom of a mountain.

Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire.

Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo.

I can't 'make' you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favourite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

I think your ambition for something changes as you go.

It's hard for me to get embarrassed, but the things that do embarrass me would be if anybody ever heard my wife and I talking in our robust, made-up language.

On stage, I'm me. I'm a husband, I'm a dad, I'm a guy, I'm a mess - but I am a cohesive thing that you recognize as one human entity saying these things that he generally believes.

It's a good idea to have a break, to let your mind rest and so you can start to cultivate ideas.

It makes me sad that corporations and media and Hollywood conspire to make people feel terrible about their bodies from the second they wake up ,so I sort of try to subversively undercut that.

We tend to deny our humanity because in accepting the fullness of it, we would need to confess how little we’ve done with it.

That’s right, Justina!' he said more thanonce. 'We’re going to knock those demons out and slay them with the power of Jesus. Hallelujah, can I get an amen?

To avoid being disappointed, avoid placing your expectations on others. Love lets them be who they are and it allows them to react the way they want to react.

An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.

Gardening simply does not allow one to be mentally old, because too many hopes and dreams are yet to be realized.

You're never too old to take baby steps

So many people among non-scientists see science as an unassailable monolith of truth, and it's not. It's an ongoing self-correcting process.

If I was not a remarkably modest man, I should probably brag a little, and say that I had done what no American ever before accomplished by visiting the queen at her palace twice within eight days.

Trade your cleverness for bewilderment.

Writing is something I took up rather than anything I had an inclination toward. I like acting -delivering someone else's message - but writing is more of an accomplishment.