But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

I am convinced that knowledge is power - to overcome the past, to change our own situations, to fight new obstacles, to make better decisions.

It's not like I'm not writing great music anymore, it's just that I want to take it another level.

Two men are equally free from the rage of ambition; are they therefore equal in merit? Perhaps not; one may be above ambition, the other below it.

Our greatest evil flows from ourselves.

We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles.

Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.

Have the courage to say what needs to be said to who it needs to be said to. You'll both be better for it.

A fact is not a truth until you love it.

I started working out with a trainer and I immediately saw results.

Let no thought pass incognito, and keep your notebook as strictly as the authorities keep their register of aliens.