Buy me stuff and I'll be nicer

School prepares you for the real world... which also bites.

Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.

My pants cut the cheese. Let one fly. Baked a batch of brownies.

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.

never underestimate your dumbness!!

How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.

He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume.

The Destructive Arts are exactly like Martial Arts, except they don't have uniforms or usefulness and the end result doesn't resemble art in any way.

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out.

Love makes the world go 'round but I'm pretty sure money has to do with it, too.

Human history is in essence a history of ideas.

I like being married. I'm at home with my wife and kids all the time now. I don't go out for wild nights.

I hate my stomach. It's impossible to get it flat, and the area around my belly button drives me crazy.

Writers know that sometimes things are there in the drawer for decades before they finally come out and you are capable of writing about them.

Absolute freedom of the press to discuss public questions is a foundation stone of American liberty.

When growing up, I saw segregation. I saw racial discrimination. I saw those signs that said white men, colored men. White women, colored women. White waiting. And I didn't like it.

Though I feared I would have no progress when I put down the drink, [my writing] hasn't changed. The creative search, and the fragments that I collect, reflects that.

The Church became both more accessible and less imposing. It threw itself open to risk.

Morality is only moral when it is voluntary.

It's something that will never be finished. Something that I can keep developing...and adding to.