Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

It is only through us that God lives. When we abandon him, he dies.

Our children cannot be assumed to follow in our footsteps, assuage our losses, or compensate for our inadequacies.

Every day give yourself a good mental shampoo.

If I ever have to stop taking the subway, I'm gonna have a heart attack.

Sometimes the best way to keep peace in the family is to keep the members of the family apart for awhile.

Virtue in women is perhaps a question of temperament.

Sometimes the best things are the ones that aren’t planned, the decisions made while living in the moment.

There's still injustice happening in my world. I sing my songs at concerts and I'm so grateful that the people are ready to hear them.

Liberty, as well as honor, man ought to preserve at the hazard of his life, for without it life is insupportable

Unless degree is preserved, the first place is safe for no one.