By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

If GOD had a milk carton, would your face be on it?

Oh no. I'm not gonna let you leave yet. I'm gonna show you the value of takin' your time to get to work. I probably should have done this a long time ago.

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

The author concedes that the body of Christ may often judge wrongly, but he says that the judgment of the body as a whole is more sound that is one's ability to judge self objectively.

Though you can get smart from reading everything that a smart person writes, you cannot get famous from reading about everything that a famous person does or is said to have done.

I'm not a novelist, I'm a storyteller. There is no art in what I do, no mystique.

Life is a gift, not to possess, but to share.

Undoubtedly, the biggest influence on my life is my mom, followed pretty closely by my dad.

God bless the universe, God bless Japanese, Chinese, Indians, all of them and let's have peace.

Oh, those women! They nurse and cuddle their presentiments, and make darlings of their ugliest thoughts.