By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.

From 1934 to 1963, the biggest criminals in America ended up on Alcatraz. Nowadays they end up on Wall Street.

I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.

This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.

There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles.

There's something I believe wholeheartedly: Cynicism is the true refuge of the pseudo-intellectual, .. Cynicism is easy. Joy is an extremely advanced spiritual and intellectual tenet.

HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.

I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.

As for mother Eve - I wasn't there and can't deny the story, but I will say this. If she brought evil into the world, we men have had the lion's share of keeping it going ever since.

Like many people, most Libertarians feel empathy and sympathy for less fortunate people. But they know you can't have perfection in a world of limited resources.

I'd love to play a full-out rocking chick.

A dog – a collie – went up to Eric, looked up at his face, and growled. “Shoo,” Eric said, making an imperious gesture with his hand.

You have to have a balance between your normal life and movies.

Hippos kill more people in Africa annually than any other wild animal.

The Lacedaemonians fought a memorable battle; they made it quite clear that they were the experts, and that they were fighting against amateurs.

Here I was at the end of America...no more land...and nowhere was nowhere to go but back

There are no letters in the mailbox And there are no grapes upon the vine And there are no chocolates in your boxes anymore And there are no diamonds in the mine

Nothing wrong with appearing to be a fool, if what you are doing is intelligent.