By the time I'm in the studio recording my parody, 10,000 parodies of that song are on YouTube.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Always think of what is useful and not what is beautiful. Beauty will come of its own accord.

The interior life is often stupid.

The most important basis of any novel is wanting to be someone else, and this means creating a character.

Facts mean nothing to wounded feelings.

If an editor can only make people angry enough, they will write half his newspaper for him for nothing.

I'm not here to cast aspersions on anyone. I'm trying to unify the party, not find fault.

You are truly Satan's sequined spawn.

There's the moon trying to look romanticMoon's too old that's her troubleAren't we all?

I can quote you lots of chapters in verse from the bible that are terrible for women. But you can use the bible to either liberate or subjugate women. And it's the same with the Koran.

Novels set in imaginary futures are necessarily about the moment in which they are written.