By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Some men are too dull to feel what might happen. Others torture themselves with maybes and populate their dreams with horrors more terrible than their worst enemy could inflict upon them.

The best blessing that you can give is your beautiful smile.

Men are brittle, I reckon. They don't bend into new shapes. They get broken into them. Crushed into them.

…praise does not make anything better or worse.

I'm proud to be part of the fabric that inspires the next generations to remain curious and remember that 'smart is cool.'

The reason swimming is one of the hardest sports is because you have to be in the pool by yourself every day, making that sacrifice. There's no time to do anything else.

Life is classified. There is always so much that goes unsaid.

Anyone in pursuit of art is responding to a desire to make visible that which is not, to offer the unknown self to others.

Persuasive speech, and more persuasive sighs, Silence that spoke and eloquence of eyes.

Kids pick up and absorb a lot more than you think they do. I try to do what I think is right, and I try to lead by example.